As parents age, one child often becomes the primary caregiver, the one taking Mom to appointments, managing prescriptions, buying groceries, handling bills. Sometimes that caregiving becomes so significant the child reduces work hours or rearranges their own family life to make it happen.
Everyone is usually comfortable with this while Mom or Dad is alive. The problems tend to start later.
Say Mom starts paying her caregiving daughter $2,000 a month, a completely reasonable amount for the time involved. After Mom passes away, her other children see years of checks written to their sister, and the questions begin. Were those gifts? Advances on inheritance? Was Mom even competent when she made these payments? Without documentation, what felt reasonable during Mom’s lifetime becomes the source of a real family dispute after her death.
A written caregiver agreement solves this. It should spell out exactly what services are being provided, how compensation works, and just as importantly, what the payments are not, whether that is an advance against inheritance or simply fair pay that has no effect on how the rest of the estate is divided. Good records of hours worked and services provided protect everyone if another family member later raises questions.
The best time to put this in writing is while the parent has full capacity to explain their own reasoning, not after a sibling has already grown suspicious. The agreement should also be coordinated with the broader estate plan, especially if the caregiving child is also the trustee or power of attorney agent, since paying yourself from a parent’s assets is exactly the kind of arrangement that needs clear documentation to avoid the appearance of a problem.
Fair does not always mean equal, and a parent is allowed to recognize the value of a child’s caregiving. The key is making that intention clear while everyone can still hear it directly from the parent, not piece it together after the fact.
If you are in Arizona, call us at 480-719-7333 to put a caregiver agreement in place before an informal arrangement becomes a family conflict.
This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Please consult an attorney for guidance specific to your situation.